Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
