I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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