MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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