Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
