Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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