Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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