would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
