ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
