I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
