I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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