I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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