Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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