I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't judge my taste in strippers
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
