She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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