remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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