Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
