You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
