I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
