im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
