My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
