he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
