just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
