I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
