I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
