I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
