I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
