just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
