I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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