he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
