I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
