i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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