I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
