Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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