I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
