she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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