Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
