I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
