i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Its about making memories worth repressing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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