I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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