She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
