We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have fence marks all over my body
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
