just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
