I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
