well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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