I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
