90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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