i wish peter jackson would direct porn
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
