I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
