is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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