alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
