whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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