Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
