yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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