I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
